In class today, we discussed...
* The readings
* The details and requirements for the Personal Narrative essay
* Tips for Writing
And, we completed...
* Some "building blocks" for the essay itself
Near the end of class, we discussed how to possibly start an essay of this nature, to pull in readers. Now, with the remaining time in class, I would like you to "dive in," and write your first paragraph. You are not "legally obligated" to use this paragraph; it is just a way to start the writing process.
In the "comments" section on this post, please write your name and the first paragraph by 9 pm this evening. This counts as "in class" work, so please be sure to post by the deadline!
Shannon O'Flaherty
ReplyDeleteI was loading my newly waxed Salomon giant slalom skis into the back of my mom’s Acura SUV at 6 in the morning when I felt my stomach curl from all the nervous thoughts that were going through my mind and muscles. I kept thinking to myself, ‘I hate oatmeal. I should not have eaten that. I should have had toast and peanut butter. If I throw up before my race maybe they won’t make go when it is my turn. God why am I doing this?’ I double-checked my ski bag to make sure everything I needed was there. Boots? Check. Gloves? Check. Helmet? Check. Goggles? Check. Lunch? ‘Where is my lunch?’ I start yelping “Mom! Mom! Where is my lunch? It is not in my bag. Did you take it out? Why would you take it out?” My mom says very calmly from the front seat, “Shannon I know you are nervous, but don’t yell at me because you forgot that you put it on the front seat.” I get in the car and apologize. We back out of the driveway, and the nerves hit me ten times harder. I see the minutes tick by on the clock located on the dashboard and all I can think is ‘My ski race is at 10am and that is the moment I will be the youngest person to have a heart attack.’
It's November seventh, 2010, and the sun has gone down. I'm in my room browsing the web for nothing in particular. The E&M homework is due tomorrow, and I should be doing it right now, but maybe I'll start in an hour or so. I always manage to get it done on time, and Andre, my one friend who has really perfected the art of distracting me from my homework is off on an adventure on his semester at sea. Just thinking about him makes me remember that he will be back soon, and in less than a month my friends will converge for some great parties and stories. There is someone at the door, but my roommates are in the front room; they'll answer it. I hear a squeaky voice that will carry through a house even when Zack is quiet, asking if I'm home. I wasn't expecting him, and I'll have to send him on his way soon so I can get to that E&M, so I meet him and another friend Hunter in the hallway. They both have very serious looks on their faces, which is rare with these two. We each have a beard in its early stages because one day someone decided “no-shave November” has a nice ring to it. “Hey, what's up guys?” I ask, starting to feel a little nervous.
ReplyDelete“It's Andre.” Zack is in anguish. He's been feeling this way all day. I'm not the first person that he has had to tell. I knew Andre had been using heroin last spring, and I haven't spoken to him since June, but I was under the impression that he cleaned up. He has before. That impression slipped away as I leaned back against the wall behind me, feeling it support me where my legs were starting to give up.
“Did he overdose?” I'm thinking maybe he is in a hospital somewhere, desperately.
“He's dead.”
Miles Albert
Lesley Parks
ReplyDeleteMany of my regrets come and go, but failing to submit my art portfolio to UCLA will daunt me for the rest of my life. I will have to simulate the sensation of having a bachelor’s of art degree in studio art. There will be an aura of disappointment when I look for a computer-engineering job instead of hoping to be selected for an art studio position. This particular regret has drastically changed the course of my life. Procrastination took a hold of my dreams and crushed the life out of them, and I sat back and let it happen.
As I stepped up onto the block in lane four, I knew that this was the moment—the moment that’s going to change my coaches’ and parents’ view of me; the day that I’m going to gain respect from my teammates. The crowd around the pool was quiet, and suspense was building. After about ten seconds the silence was broken as the speaker announced, “take your mark.” I immediately grabbed onto the edge of the block and poised myself so that I was ready to dive in. Adrenaline was surging through my body, my heart was beating fast and my palms were sweating. “BEEP” sounded the horn.
ReplyDeleteI have wanted to go into the medical field ever since I was a little kid. I was not quite sure exactly which field until I was given the opportunity to attend the National Youth Leadership Program. The program consisted of ten days of small group sessions with Texas Medical Center doctors and observations of actual surgeries. I was fascinated by the bloody surgeries but I wasn't positive if I would want to cut people open myself. Not only was I enjoying the medical part of this adventure but also the social part with my peers. This program was preparing me for the medical field and college social life.
ReplyDeleteSavannah Sonnenblick
ReplyDeleteIn high school, the most important task that I had to fulfill was to at least attempt to become friends with as many people as possible. My closest friends thought that I was crazy, asking me why I cared so much about everyone else because the only true friends I needed were the four I had next to me since I was eight years old. Despite this reaction, I was never quite satisfied without trying to get to know every possible face I saw on campus. At the beginning of my senior year, I decided to join the Excursion travel club, which consisted of 18 students that I had recognized, but did not know personally. The first trip was set to go to Ojai Valley for five days. I had absolutely no expectations for this trip, nor did I realize that this time would drastically change my perspective on my life.
Standing in awe, cold air filtered through the pores of my skin. The aroma of crisp and minty pine fragrance complimented the picturesque vantage of the wilderness. As I jumped out of the car, my Polo boots wedged into the snow, a shiver took over my body. This was a place of placidity and tranquility. Never before had I been so far from the city nor had I ever been so close to nature. Glens Falls, NY was my new home. It wasn’t what I had anticipated at all.
ReplyDeleteCovered up in my luscious covers, halfway asleep, I heard an unfamiliar thump coming from the room right next to mine. I thought nothing of it, maybe something had fell or my cat and dog had been fighting like they always do. It did not strike me to go investigate until I heard what sounded like a strange grunt a few seconds after. As I walked towards the room, I can see my Dad’s leg sticking out of the doorway of my brother’s room. I rushed over just to find my brother lying on his back, with white soapy bubbles foaming from his mouth, and his eyes rolled back into his head. My body went into shock, my hands became clammy and eyes became like a flowing river of water. I didn’t know what to do, never had I seen my brother in such a dire state.
ReplyDeleteBarbara Bermudez
ReplyDeleteI am there. I am sitting at my own graduation in the hot, sticky sun in the middle of the football field with five hundred other classmates. Our family and friends surround us with posters and join us in an important part of our lives. As our school principal talks into the microphone she says a key word. We stand. We move our blue and gold tassel from right to left. She then announces with pride "I am proud to present to you Dos Pueblos High School Class of 2012". The students throw their caps up high with such excitement, the air horns are blown and our love ones cheer. I am now the first person in my family to graduate from high school. I can accomplish anything I want with confidence and determination.
Brigette Orr
ReplyDeleteIt was another early sunday morning where i arrived to see the dark skies and silence that fell over the building where i worked. The low-budge assisted living was very simple and at 5 am it was just shut down. I knocked to enter as the night shift left upon my early arrival. A good morning would be given to whoever i saw, which was usually at most two sleep walking residents. I strolled down the corridor into the tiny medicine room where i began to set up the morning meds that were to be accompanied with breakfast. I had always been involved in the medical field and my job was respected and taken seriously because i was the nurse in charge at such a young age. This was a daily routine that was executed timely and properly. Time was always of the essence, especially in the morning when around 7 am everything started.
She sat down on the old, mahogany-framed chair pulled out to the living room for her. I laid editions of last week's local newspapers around the chair so her fallen hair wouldn't cling to the grasps of our beige carpet. My father would've thrown a fit. I stood over her head, examining her hair as I laced it through between my fingers. Her long hair that she's maintained all my life, her long hair that I've always admired - it was all coming off. She asked me to save her tail. I snipped it off. My mother's hair was now above her shoulders and no longer a deep, dark waterfall that once cascaded down her back. As my hands further trimmed it to add layers and dimensions, my thoughts hit me rougher than I expected. My mother, the most stunning woman in my life, has breast cancer. Her survival is currently threatened and it isn't fair. I stood there and cut off her youth, her sense of vitality. When I finished and took a look at this woman sporting a new bob, I could swear to you, I still thought she was the most gorgeous woman in the world.
ReplyDelete- V. Nguyen
Jasmine Sandoval
ReplyDeleteMy heart felt so empty and began to beat rapidly, as I watched my parents, white, ford truck, drive away. I was in a bit of shock. High school had flown by very quickly. I stood there in the parking lot alone and chilly, from the breezy ocean air, in my navy blue hoodie and rainbow flip-flops. It was my first night on my own, in a whole new environment, with new people. The life I once felt so comfortable in had changed in a matter of seconds that day. I had finally felt like an adult.
brigette orr
ReplyDeletei dont know if you received mine. im sure you're just approving or something. just letting you know. thanks.
It was 9 in the evening and I came home in a surprise to find my neighbors sitting on my sofa. This was strange as I practically lived at their house. My best friend had the widest grin on her face as my mom asked me " Mija, Do you want to go to Mexico with them?" Of course I wanted to go, what teenager wouldn't want to travel to another country with her best friend and second family. Was this really happening? Later that night, Yazmin told me the details of Mexico She warned me that it was different than the U.S and not to expect much since we were going to visit her sick aunt. I didn't care. I was too busy in my happy zone just reminding myself how lucky I was.
ReplyDeleteMicaela Velasquez
ReplyDeleteAs I touched the wall after finishing my leg of the 800 freestyle relay, all I heard was Coach Gregg Wilson yelling my name. I took off my goggles and turned towards him with anxious eyes. He had his hands cupped around his mouth and announced my time of one minute and forty nine seconds, a lifetime best. A huge smile spread across my mouth, and I looked across the pool to my teammates who were all cheering and clapping. I pulled myself out of the pool and gathered with my three other relay members, who were all thrilled at our first place finish. Panting and barely able to keep ourselves upright, we stepped into the warm down pool. While cooling down, I was overcome by excitement as I was thinking of my individual 200 freestyle race that was going to follow in days to come. All year my coaches had put me in the long distance races, the mile, thousand, and 500, and they finally gave me a chance to swim my favorite race, the 200. I was a little nervous that the first time I was going to swim the 200 was at conference, the most important meet of my career so far; but after this relay swim I could not wait to have my chance to shine.
Lovette Cleveland
ReplyDeleteIt was a beautiful but unusually warm day January 6 year 2003. This was odd because it was the middle of winter but on this day the heat was near scorching. As I walk the 20 min walk from my school to my home, all I can think about is dropping my book bag as soon as I walk through the doors and jump in front of cooling fan. As I bear my house, the rush from the excitement of being close begins to overwhelm me. But as I walk through my front door, my plans suddenly change as I look at my dear mother lying on a mattress in the living room. Others may look at this to be odd, but it is a smart move figuring in our house the living room just happens to be the coolest room in the house so my mother would occasionally have my brother bring a mattress in for anyone who wanted to rest in cool air. My previous plans change as I long to want to just lie down next to my mother to be closer to her, completely forgetting how hot I was. I drop my book bag and fall to the mattress and began to snuggle as close as I comfortably can to my resting mother eventually joining her in a deep comforting sleep.
As I walked in to my house after getting dropped off from school, I was immediately caught off guard. I didn't smell the different spices from my mom's cooking nor did I hear the loud voice of my dad that would send vibrations through my body. Instead all I heard was the jingling collar of my dog as he ran to greet me. It wasn't often that I would walk in to an empty and quiet house. I wasn't concerned about where everyone was; I figured my parents just went to run an errand. I put my stuff down and searched the cupboard for something to calm the growling of my stomach. The phone began to ring and my sisters name appeared on the caller ID. I answer the call and all I could hear is the dramatic cries from my sister as she attempted to catch a breath. I felt my heart drop to my stomach. I frantically asked her to calm down so I could understand what was wrong. I was nervous and the knot in my throat got tighter and the tears in my eyes built up.
ReplyDelete"Mom has breast cancer and it's in the worst stage."
Relieving me of my queasy stomach and throbbing headache, the warm wind brushed past my body and found its way across the meadow, gently caressing every straw of grass. After sitting in the cramped and humid SUV for hours, I was thankful that my dad decided to take this pit stop. Besides the worn out gravel beneath the wheels of our car, the last sign of civilization we passed was at least an hour away. Once my car sickness began wearing away, looking around, I started gaining awareness of my surroundings. All around, large hills stood in between the mustard-colored meadow and cloudless sky. The crunching sounds of leaves and twigs followed every step that I took as I moved away from the parked car and towards the endless boundaries of the outdoors.
ReplyDeleteRelieving me of my queasy stomach and throbbing headache, the warm wind brushed past my body and found its way across the meadow, gently caressing every straw of grass. After sitting in the cramped and humid SUV for hours, I was thankful that my dad decided to take this pit stop. Besides the worn out gravel beneath the wheels of our car, the last sign of civilization we passed was at least an hour away. Once my car sickness began wearing away, looking around, I started gaining awareness of my surroundings. All around, large hills stood in between the mustard-colored meadow and cloudless sky. The crunching sounds of leaves and twigs followed every step that I took as I moved away from the parked car and towards the endless boundaries of the outdoors.
ReplyDeleteSerafin Aguilar
ReplyDeleteWhen the physical therapist asked if I wanted to help him while he was working on my uncle who had recently suffered a stroke, I immediately said yes. While I was helping my uncle stretch, I began feeling happiness, joy, hope, and power. In my head, those were the feelings I wanted to get while working. I saw that physical therapist did this for a living and with many different types of people. Not wanting to be a doctor anymore and then seeing what a PT did made me realize that this could very much be the perfect career option for me. knowing I could do something that I love; helping others, while receiving the satisfaction that I wanted to receive from a job, made me sure that I wanted to be a physical therapist.