Any time we write, it is important to take stock, consider what we've done, and how it has affected the work. Now, as you are on the cusp of finishing the first essay, we have a great opportunity to do just that.
I am giving you class time to do this, as opposed to writing it in the classroom, so you are free to do it at any point before the final draft is turned in. So, you must respond to this (in the comments below) no later than Thursday at noon.
Thanks!
In the comments sections, please respond to the these prompts:
1. What is your name?
2. Why did you pick the event for the your paper? What drew you to that particular event?
3. What do you think you did well with this paper? Why?
4. What might you need to/want to work on for the next paper? Why?
1. Mandy Xiao
ReplyDelete2. I picked this particular event because it was a life-changing experience and it made a major impact in my life. It was also an extremely big/memorable event.
3. I believe so because I put in a lot of details and emotions. However I need to work on my transitions, and using less “ly” vocab such as “actually”.
4. I need to work on my introduction and vocab because they are essential to a good essay
Nicole Lindsey
ReplyDeleteI picked this event because it highlights my past experiences that have made me the person that I am through the story showing how far I have come as well. As I was typing my intro paragraph I realized what I initially wanted to focus on wouldn’t work for the instructions of how the essay is supposed to be written and so I realized the new topic I chose to elaborate would then cover the basis of what I was going for more clearly. I think I did well of explaining the significance of my paper because it ties together my chosen even and past experiences and how it has affected me as well as the type of person it has made me. I may need to work on elaboration of details and descriptions because it would have a better effect on the audience to clearly visualize the experience while reading my story.
1) Vi Nguyen
ReplyDelete2) It was recent and it's helped change my outlook on who I am as a daughter and who my mother is as a parent.
3) Visual imagery, I made sure to describe events ranging from small quick ones to more impacting larger ones.
4)More punctuation/grammar things. I feel like it needs a lot of help on.
1. Jessica Barbre
ReplyDelete2. I picked this event for my paper because I couldn't think of anything else and this incident truley left an impression on my life. I was drawn to this event because it doesnt happen to many people so I thought it would be nice to share something unique.
3. I thought I structured my paper well and used descriptive words throughout.
4. I want to expand my vocabulary more that way my paper can sound more intellectual.
1. Miles Albert
ReplyDelete2. I wrote about the death of a friend because I feel that it happened long enough ago to write about it without getting too emotional, but it is still really fresh in my mind and I can see clearly at this point how it changed my life. This event probably had the greatest effect on my life since coming to college.
3. I think I did a good job with the imagery in the latter part of my paper, where I describe a beach scene with four senses (didn't taste anything).
4. I had trouble deciding what was relevant/necessary to include. I could have written the story in 1 page or in 15 pages depending on how much I included and how much detail I gave to each scene. I want to work on figuring out exactly what contributes most to the paper so that I may be clear and moving without being confusing or distracting from the main point I'm trying to make. I also had trouble not starting every sentence with the word "I", but I think this won't be a problem in the next paper because it won't be a personal essay.
1. Barbara Bermudez
ReplyDelete2. I picked my high school graduation as my event because it was a significant part of my life. I realized that being the first in my family meant that I accomplished something that neither of my parents had. I demonstrated them and my younger sisters that determination will lead to successes. This event had an important impact in me and my experience as a high school graduate will be unforgettable.
3. I think I did well in telling the story of my event clearly. I made sure to tell it in chronological order and help the reader understand what I personally experienced.
4. Something I would want to work on for the next paper is using more diction and elevated words. I want to increase my vocabulary to sound more credible and proper.
1. Sara Khatib
ReplyDelete2.I picked this event for my paper because it is a momentous event that changed my attitude on life. This experience symbolizes my choice to live an independent and self-determined life.
3. I think I did a good job at using detail to describe the event because I remember it vividly and it is an enjoyable narrative to share.
4.For the next paper I might want to work on grammar and varying my sentence structure.
1)Natalie Saldana
ReplyDelete2) This event was the first thing I could think of so that is why I decided to write about it. Also, I remember the details so I thought it would be easier.
3)My introductory paragraph really draws the reader in, so I'd say that I did well on that part.
4) I want to try/learn how to write in different tenses and point of views. I'm used to writing in past tense and in 2nd person. I want to learn how to alternate them smoothly.
1. Ciara Carboni
ReplyDelete2. I picked this event because it is very important to me. This event was about a difficult time in my life that I will never forget. I was drawn to this particular even because it is one that has a big affect on my future. If this event didn't happen I wouldn't be at this university and I wouldn't have the career goal that I have now.
3. With this paper I think I did a great job using details. I think my details were the best aspect of my paper because it was the main thing I focused on when writing the paper. I wanted readers to put themselves in my shoes and feel the emotions I felt.
4. For my next paper I need to work on rearranging my sentences to make sure I don't start them with the same word. With this paper I had a hard time fixing my sentences so that they don't all start with "I". I want to practice this because I don't want my writing to sound repetitive and boring.
1.Shannon O'Flaherty
ReplyDelete2.I picked this event because it has always stuck in my head through any sport event i was doing to remind myself to stay cool and collected. I have always been a skier and wanted to start racing. At the time though i didn't know it was going to be so nerve racking
3.I thought I was descriptive and detailed about what was going on.
4.I need work on grammar and learn how to conclude well, because during this essay i had a lot of grammar mistakes. I also didn't know how to end it with a productive ending.
1. Lesley P.
ReplyDelete2.I chose my event because it is currently effecting me and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Since I missed my deadline to become an art major, I no longer have the opportunity to take numerous art classes that count toward a degree. I'll be lucky if I can take one or two. Now I'll be taking a lot of electrical engineering and physics classes which greatly contrasts art.
3. I think I made clear how this event changed my life. I've stated it throughout the paper and explained the outcome if I had submitted my application on time and if I didn't.
4. For the next paper I'll work on making smoother transitions between paragraphs and giving more imagery details. During the work shop I found out that my writing is flat and it is difficult for others to fully visualize what is happening.
Jasmine Sandoval
ReplyDeleteI picked this event because it was the impact that left the most impact on my life. I was drawn to this event because i never felt so alone and different before.
I did well on describing how i felt. I think i did well on this because i was very descriptive and i used vivid details.
Personally i think i need to work on my word choice because i feel my word choice is dull and boring.
1. Micaela Velasquez
ReplyDelete2. It was a life changing event and something that I look back on to encourage me through tough times. I also thought it would be fun for me to write about and be able to share my experience with others.
3. I think I did a good job writing about my emotions and describing the event.
4. For the next paper I need to work on writing in a more professional tone rather than personal.
1. Brigette Orr
ReplyDelete2. I picked the event for my paper because its one of the moments i always remember. The fact that i reacted so well to an emergency situation made me confident in my ability to help others.
3. I think i did well in revising it and making sure that my ideas/feelings were well explained in this paper.
4. I might need to work on putting more content on the paper, or more detail because i feel my paper is too short.
Dameon Cooper
ReplyDeleteThe event I picked was I had to live in a log cabin with my uncle. I choose this one because it was a new way of living for me and I wanted people to know how. I think that I gave really good description and vivid details about things that I wanted everyone to imagine. I think I did this well because I'm very good at thinking of creative words used to describe something.I definitely need to work on writing more sentences and working on making my paragraphs coherent.
1. Ben Hartl
ReplyDelete2. I picked this event because it really changed my life and I had so much more responsibilities after this. I did not need to ask for rides from my parents and this allowed me to prove myself as an adult. Even though it is an event that most will achieve, I still am proud to receive my driver's license. I was drawn to this event because I had a drastic change in my life because of it.
3. I think I did very well on this paper in my description of my emotions and my feelings. I was never the best at this but this was my main focus on this paper. I thought it would make the story much more interesting and I believe that I achieved it.
4. For the next paper, I plan to stay with my deep description to allow the reader to be more zoned in on the reading. The one thing I might work on would be to tie the paragraphs to my topic better. I will also try to write a better thesis statement and to refer back to it every paragraph. If I do this, I think it will be easier for the reader to follow along with the story.
Nicole Lindsey
ReplyDeletethe two readings i have chosen is The Purpose of Education and Qualities of the Liberally Educated Person because they both drew me in more than the other readings and i was interested in the points they discussed.
Nicole Lindsey
ReplyDeletehttp://eslbee.com/why_people_should_not_watch_too_much_television.htm